i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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