Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize