In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
