woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
