apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
zippers are such a cool invention
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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