I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I am morally bankrupt
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
