Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
