we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
