I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
