I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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