A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
