I can't breathe out the right side of my face
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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