people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
