dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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