how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
