i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
