PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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