Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
