I got chris browned last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
