so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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