He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
