i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
