Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
