OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
