she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
