And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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