I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
