I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well you can't waste a boner
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
