i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
People in love make me want to vomit
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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