In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
