Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
