I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
