quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize