he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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