Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
