The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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