Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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