how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
