who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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