So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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