So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
