you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
