Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
