Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
