I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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