I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
