"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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