Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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