I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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