Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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