Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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