I'm eating all of the evidence.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
