There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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