Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
