GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
