I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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