I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
