All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
