Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
