i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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