I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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