i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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