The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
