i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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