You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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