i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This baby is an asshole
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
