I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
