forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
